Single.

As I approach 45 and completely single… I will admit, that I really do love my single life.

When I am completely single (i.e. not dating, recovering from a relationship or wanting to be in one) my energy is directed and focused. It’s just me, and I like it.

Does this mean that I am closed off to finding love? No… I’m just not searching for it. I am still open and available, to building a connection with a potential partner, should he happen to come along. After dating and wanting to find love for 18 months, I declared last year that I would no longer subject myself, to the disposable nature of online dating. I’m just no longer interested in the dating merry-go-round, with the same people popping up again and again on the dating circuit, in my city. Hence I haven’t dated for the past six months. My time is valuable and I don’t want to waste it.  🙂

Let me tell you a story…. I’ve become really great friends with an amazing woman, who is intelligent, gorgeous, funny, strong, and motivated. No, I haven’t switched teams….. We met last year due to common interests, you could say 😉  Believe it or not, we have each dated and/or had brief relationships, with 3 of the same men in our city, all living within a 5km relationship of each other. Three!!

Some would think, why would I choose to be friends with another women, who has been involved with the same men as myself… I think, why not!  Her opening line was ‘I’m sure we’ll have a lot more in common, then just our taste in men’ and that has certainly been the case. We are similar in many ways and have developed a great friendship.

In fact, I’m very grateful to be surrounded by many single, beautiful, strong 40-something, women friends at this moment in my life. Sometimes I find myself asking: ‘Where are all the equivalent men?’ for these amazing women that we are… and then remind myself, that is just a limiting belief, and let it go.

I don’t believe the same stigmas exist as they did years ago regarding being a single woman over 30. There is nothing ‘wrong’ with us. We have just either been unlucky in love, previously unaware of our own worth, or know what we want and won’t settle.

Occasionally I think it would be nice to have someone to spend some time with and send messages too. But the focus in my life has shifted, I’m no longer interested in dating someone that lacks the emotional or physical availability, required to be with someone like myself. I won’t settle for ordinary, I’m looking for extraordinary love and connection on an emotional, physical and mental level. I know what I want in a relationship, I know the qualities I desire from another, I know that I want to grow and explore with someone and I know that we will build an amazing, supportive life together. Commitment, Connection, Consistency, Companionship and Communication – the five ‘C’s with a lot of laughter, love, inspiration, passion, kindness and respect thrown in.

Does this intimidate men?… yes, some maybe. The right man, no.

And this is what I want for you too. My words to you…

Don’t be afraid to be single.

Let me tell you, there is life after lost love. This is the time to focus on you! Nurture your friendships, explore your passions, find yourself. Become more interesting, clear baggage and fears you may have been carrying from one relationship to the next. I was afraid to leave a long term relationship at 40, but it didn’t take long to learn that there is nothing to fear, and this time on your own can be amazing.

Don’t be afraid to leave.

Leave the unhealthy relationship. If like myself, you’ve stayed in relationships longer then you should have, while knowing deep down that the relationship is unhealthy and not right for you, then time to take matters in your own hands. I know that you love him/her and don’t want to let them go or hurt them, however you also know that you deserve better.. you will get over them in time and go on to find happiness and joy.

Don’t settle.

Maybe you’ve ‘settled’ for a partner that doesn’t have the qualities that you are looking for, that doesn’t light you up and help you to be your best self. Many settle because it’s easy, they like the company and they don’t want to be alone. If it’s not healthy, inspiring, fulfilling love on all levels… I say, why waste your time, you could be missing out on meeting someone who does meet all your needs, while being attached to another.

Don’t be afraid to love.

Never be afraid of love, never be afraid to open yourself up to someone new, don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. If we don’t, we are never really seen for all that we are… opening up, being vulnerable creates connection. I understand that you may be afraid of getting hurt, I really do. While no one wants to be hurt, it is not something we should be afraid of either. It is not the end.  Through heart break, we learn lessons, we grow and we learn more about ourselves.

Don’t watch the clock.

There is no time limit on love. I am not worried about being of a certain age and being single. I have a deep belief that love is eternal. No matter what age, there will always be opportunities for finding love.

Yes I’m getting older, developing more wrinkles and my stomach isn’t as flat as it once was…. however I’m also blessed with great genes! – lucky for me, we live a really, really long time in my family… I’m not even half way through my life! There is still so much time for all the adventures I plan to have.

On a more serious note, if you do have fears about being single, stepping out of a relationship that is not right for you, feeling fear of the future, wanting to let go of the past to find new love…. I know an awesome Heart Coach who can help you and wants to help you, move past these struggles and fears, so that you can be your best self, and live your best life 🙂

www.heartcoach.me/book-your-consult/

With love,
Rebecca xo