What does practicing detachment mean to me… We hear the words ‘just let it go’ all the time, but sometimes we think ‘how’, how do I let that go?
So often we are attached to outcomes, how we want someone to behave with us, how we want a relationship to go, how we perceive that a situation should pan out, how a project is going to come together.
When we become attached to outcomes, people or situations, we can worry, feel fear, feel insecure and become clinging or needy. Our feelings can veer off into jealousy, anger and resentment if we don’t have the outcome we want, or if someone doesn’t behave a way we think they should. When we focus on what we think ‘should’ happen we are perceiving an outcome.
Today I woke feeling slightly annoyed and agitated and I couldn’t quite put my finger on what exactly I was annoyed about. I’ve had a great weekend, catching up with friends, going to yoga, watching a gig, getting on top of my housework and study. When I finally sat down to relax, I began to realise what it was, that was leading to annoyance… I was ‘waiting’ to hear from someone about plans for tonight. I may have had three other people asking to catch up today, but I was still ‘waiting’ to see if I would hear from one person in particular, that I was hoping to see. I was hoping for a particular outcome, rather than just enjoying myself, going about my day, and letting what will be, be. Sometimes ‘hoping’ can lead to worrying unnecessarily, and it sits hand in hand with attachment. Does it really matter if I see this person or not… no, it is something I would like but it is not something to worry about.
Living with detachment to me, means loving without fear, being present in the moment, not trying to control people, situations, outcomes. This doesn’t mean we get walked all over or ‘settle’, we just maintain our boundaries in a loving manner.
But how do we get to this place… firstly we need to recognise and acknowledge how we are feeling. Like this morning… once I had time to stop and think, I recognised I was anxious because I wasn’t sure how that someone felt about me, after a conversation earlier in the week. I wasn’t actually anxious about whether they were going to spend time with me or not, I was worrying about what they ‘could be’ thinking. Instead of just realising that we are both very busy people, working a lot of hours and both doing the best we can… I jumped to conclusions and unnecessary worry.
When we recognise what our feelings are, we can then sit with them and feel them. We acknowledge that we are feeling scared, worried, hurt or whatever the feeling may be. We can step back and reflect on these and ask ourselves, why I am I feeling this way? What are the thoughts behind these feelings? What do I need to learn here? Am I future tripping? (allowing our mind to get carried away with thoughts of a future that may or may not happen). Like asking myself, ‘what is the real story here?’… am I annoyed about whether my plans will go ahead, or am I really just worried about what someone may or may not be thinking, which is totally out of my control and to be honest, none of my business.
Once we have processed and reflected, we then release our stresses, worries, desires and fears.. to ‘out there’, to the universe, to a higher power, whatever it is that you believe in. We let go and trust that we are being taken care of. We can relax and just be present, be mindful, what will be, will be… no amount of stressing ourselves will change that. The law of attraction works by becoming aware of what you want, acknowledging it, putting it ‘out there’ and then releasing it. Let it come, without being attached to how or what form it comes in. If it is not for you, let it go, and let it go freely, knowing that what you want, will be presented to you at the right time.
Being a ‘planner’ for most of my life, I have always liked to know where I’m at, where I’m going and who with. Not knowing can be frustrating at times, but sometimes we just need to step back, detach from the outcome and realise it is out of our hands, the only thing we can control is our self and nothing outside of our self.
Over the last week, I had made plans with several people for the weekend and they all canceled at rather short notice, which I admit I felt annoyed by, however I’m also aware that when things don’t go as planned, there are other plans in store for us. Friday night’s canceled dinner, led to a relaxing evening catching up on much need rest and study. My sister not being able to attend the show we had bought tickets to, allowed for time catching up with a friend there, unexpectedly instead. A friend canceling her plans to stay the weekend, allowed for lunch with other friends, that I wasn’t expecting to see. I could have spent the weekend cranky that things didn’t turn out how I imagined they would, that the outcome I thought I would have didn’t happen, instead I recognised that it is what it is, it is out of my control and that by letting go and just going with the flow, everything turned out fine and the weekend was great… 🙂
Ask yourself, what are you feeling attached to right now, and how can you release the grip on that?
Love Rebecca x